By Christopher "Soleternity" McGill
Most people do not realize the true purpose of tact and therefore misuse it. People tend to wear a generic polite exterior when they want something (for example, making reservations at a restaurant), when they are forced to (for example, corporate policy tells a telemarketer to end each conversation with “have a great day”), or in a formal setting (for example, school or work). People tend to either be completely courteous or entirely informal. Yet this severely limits the potential of intentional, calculated, strategic civility. Courtesy only makes sense when it is a relief from informality or when it is done creatively and stands out. Some of the best times to display your manners are in situations where it is least expected--it will have the most dramatic effect and create mystery. It is imperative to design a seductive and exotic type of courtesy: use a polite vocabulary but spoken in a suggestive voice; borrow colloquialisms from foreign charmers. The purpose of courtesy is to gain a level of influence over a person or group of people. Therefore, when using or not using courtesy, always act based on the interests of those in your presence. This means you must learn to anticipate what people want and then how to represent that desire, which has applications well beyond the realm of manners, although it certainly applies here as well. It is not a tool to distance yourself from others, rather quite the opposite, it is a gateway to intimacy. It is merely a weapon in the arsenal of a gentleman.
As depicted by movies such as Hustle & Flow or Be Cool, the music
business is shady. Guns, drugs, money and bi***es. It’s a fiercely
emotional game of pride, ego, money and fantasy, ran by hardened
criminals, slippery fast talkers and wealthy investors. This is why the
proper use of courtesy and its cousin humility are doubly effective in
the music business. When the normal atmosphere is corruption, go
against the grain by using creative politeness to captivate, disarm,
and influence. When doing business, people want to feel like they got
the best deal--a deal better than yours. So let them. The macho “I
don‘t give a f**k” style of negotiating in the music business provides
the perfect opportunity to charm them into thinking they have won
without much effort. Furthermore, do it from behind an exterior of a
calm, humble reserve: your actions do not reek of attention-seeking
behavior like most wannabes, instead you are patiently confident in
your talents. You are self-reliant--this isn’t your dream, this is your
calling. Be as humble as the foot soldier and you have armed yourself
with the most potent weapon on the battlefield.
A fundamental part of charm is outlasting your guests with consistency.
If you even so much as hint that your courtesy is a facade, your guests
will go to unusual lengths to lure out the dark side you have suggested
lurks beneath. Betraying a dark side can be a great tool as well, but
it must be controlled and used appropriately in contrast to politeness,
never when rebounding from fatigue or emotional distress. Bragging and
arrogance will break the spell of courtesy instantly.
Never be aggressively courteous, always patiently courteous--true
humility is not concerned with what other people think. Use light
flattering phrases: “I am so appreciative of your time,” and “it is
great to be collaborating with you” and “I simply look forward to the
opportunity to contribute to your success.” The best part: these things
are true. Socializing, collaborating, networking--co-existing with
other people makes the world turn. It is to your advantage in a cold
unappreciative world to share this with your associates. It will be a
surprise, an ego-boost, and an invitation for intimacy and ultimately
persuasion.
To put it bluntly: artist, equip yourself with tact. You still must
flaunt your rebellious persona and eccentricities--but make them most
effective by balancing them with humility and courtesy: the contrast
will enhance both sides to your character. Allow politeness and
discipline to be your mind state when working in the recording studio
or negotiating. When recording in the booth, never become aggressive,
impatient or worried, instead be humble, receive feedback, remain
reserved and confident. Detach yourself from your emotional
inclinations in order to free yourself to be indifferent. Resist the
attempt to directly crush the onlooker who knows little but continues
to offer tips. Instead, crush them indirectly through strategic
humility: “My friend, thank you for the intriguing insights. I do
consider some of them to be quite useful. In the present moment I must
complete the song as I prepared it, for that is also how I rehearsed
it, and unfortunately we are operating on the clock. If it is
acceptable to you, allow me the opportunity to record in isolation and
privacy for the time being, and when it is convenient and intelligent,
we will come together strategically to collaborate.” Now you have
gained the admiration of the room--what patience and humility! Now
people begin to deal with you with a new level of respect and tact. Now
you have gained control.
Allow humility to be your charm--the people it attracts will not
surprisingly be the most pleasurable to collaborate with. Allow it to
be your defense as well--you are in control and can change the
atmosphere. You will find, however, that the atmosphere cultivated by
humility is highly desirable with the appropriate contrasts in place.
Bear in mind that there are some people who will not respond to
courtesy. Courtesy must fill a void, not create one. Thus, always
anticipate the desires of your guests so you can flip the courteous
switch on or off without anyone noticing.
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